XXIII. Appendix of Tiny Historical Truths the Textbooks Fear
Every hero was somebody's weird cousin.
Every empire thought it was permanent right up until it became a chapter heading.
Every king wanted glory but mostly got paperwork and fungus.
Every peasant was one good festival away from becoming the funniest person alive.
Every dragon was at least fifty percent rumor and one hundred percent marketing.
Every pirate contained one part freedom, two parts debt, and three parts terrible dentistry.
Every inventor was a goblin with notes.
Every internet user is still, spiritually, drawing mammoths on a cave wall and hoping the tribe thinks it slaps.
Every cat knows this and is embarrassed for us.
THE TEXTBOOKS FEAR THESE IMAGES BECAUSE EACH ONE SHOWS A CAT POSING LIKE IT PERSONALLY CAUSED AT LEAST TWO MAJOR TURNING POINTS.
Every future will look ridiculous from the next one.